Had a recent discussion (with a aquamarine blue eyeglass-ed boy with a shirt to match and a yellow haired girl) about not taking the opportunities we have to express oneself on the surface. In the contemporary day and age of New York City, where such liberties are possible. We were quietly guffawing at the table of girls next to us all looking identical to each other. The straightened layered hair, preppy wanna be risque sheer blouses and catalog gold chain designer purses with black boots, so generic!
I remember being complemented by Bob on my colorful scarves and the endless arrangement of them, the surprise at discovering it was me under the bear hat. The first time he saw me was wearing bear hat was while I was trying to get myself to talk to a colleague about my thoughts and how I wanted to be able to share my concern and talk through the work problems I had with her, but could not do it on my own... so I brought bear hat to assist! Bob was proud of me taking initiative to address my issues with people directly, even if it meant wearing bear hat for support!
For Bob’s memorial service, I was almost afraid to go. I needed courage to face the farewell… So I turned to my clothes and what I thought would best represent the intent that Bob lived his life with, the extreme and living as much as possible. The process I’m going through is self expression, that he also had a hand in encouraging me to speak about my emotions to someone, even if it wasn’t him… the point being - to get it out, not buried and smoldering on the inside. So how did I distill all this? I dug through my wardrobe and wanted a helping hand with courage, it had to be loud but tasteful, a serious tone but not somber with touches of joy. This is what I ended up with.
A person is ever changing and evolving and I’m sure my tastes will too. But for now, this is where I seem to find myself expressed to the fullest when given the opportunity.